*Webmaster note...this page is actually sarcasm aimed at trying to make people aware of the phony stories and pictures floating around the Internet. It is a combination of all of those 'classic' email hoaxes. If you question the validity of any emails you may receive, please visit this great site: TruthOrFiction.comTHE ULTIMATE HOAX*
I was on my way to the post office to pick up my free case of M&M's (which were sent to me because I forwarded an e-mail to five other people celebrating the fact that the year 2000 is "MM" in Roman numerals), when I ran into a friend whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken - which is predictable, since as everyone knows, there's no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, that's why the government made them change their name to KFC. Anyway, this guy had a different friend who went to sleep and when he awoke he was in this bathtub full of ice and he was sore all over. When he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw a note written in lipstick on his mirror that said "Call 911!" but he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer modem, and he just got a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened an e-mail entitled "Join The Crew!"Anyway, this guy knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who was working on software to prevent a global disaster in which all the computers in the world tie together and distribute the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates. It's true, I just read it all last week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disney World vacation and $5,000 spending cash if I would forward his e-mail to everyone I know.
To continue anyhow, the poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidneys, but a voice on the line first asked him to press #90, which unwittingly gave the bandit full access to the phone line at the guy's expense. Then, reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped a note that said, "Welcome to the world of AIDS." Luckily, he was only a few blocks from the hospital - the one where that little boy dying of cancer is; (the one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives). To help, I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x's and o's in the shape of an angel (if you get it, forward it to more than 10 people and you will have good luck...exactly 10 people, you will only have so-so luck, and if you send it to fewer than 10 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS). So anyway, the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving without it's headlights on. To be helpful, he flashed his headlights, but instead, he was run down and promptly shot as part of a gang initiation. The last words he uttered were: "It takes guts to say Jesus".
Send THIS to all the friends who send you their junk mail and you will receive 4 green M&Ms. If you don't, the owner of Proctor and Gamble will report you to his Satanic friends and you will have more bad luck. You will get cancer from the Sodium Laureth Sulfate in your shampoo, your wife will develop breast cancer from using the antiperspirant which clogs the pores under your arms, and the government will put a tax on your e-mails forever.
I know this is all true because all of my friends have been sending me emails about it.
Back to home